My new blog...

I'm experimenting a bit with WordPress. I like the visual format a bit better and I'm able to customize it more too. So, different thoughts, more consistent posts and all in all love to hear your thoughts and comments. http://davidmcvety.wordpress.com/

Blessed and encouraged

My wife had a conversation with my daughter last week, in that conversation there was a discussion about her faith and what she saw in her future. She stated that she saw the need for Jesus in her future but was not ready to give up some of the things that she felt she would have to give up, because she didn't want to be a hypocrite. She was so sick of seeing people go to church or youth groups and be "on fire" and then go out and party on the weekend or swear at school or... This is encouraging to me because it shows me that she gets what being a Christian is really all about. That at some point in her life she will embrace what she already knows God has for her. BUT... the best and most encouraging part for me was hearing her response to Melissa's next question which was whether or not she saw us (her parents) as being hypocrites. Our 17 year old daughter said that she knew we believe what we say we do line up, and that she doesn't consider us to be hypocrites. WOW, in my experience and perspective the closest people to us are the ones that see the good and bad. If anyone in our lives have reason and opportunity to scrutinize us, and particularly our faith, it is our children. I guess there is always the opportunity to ask ourselves if maybe we set the bar too high in some way... in a way that would make her think that she has to be free from all our issues to follow Jesus...? But I don't believe that is the case. We share our struggles, at least the ones that are appropriate to share. So, most importantly I continue to pray for my daughter to embrace God, to embrace faith and to know God's full purpose for her. To be fulfilled and excited about where God has had for her all along. I love you Merci! -Dave

Attacked?

When the attack by the devil is the worst, does that mean God has awesome things in store?
When it feels like there is a demon at every entrance, invading the sanctuary of my home, is God allowing it to grow me? Is the devil running free? Or is it both, God allowing the devil to grow me through His attacks?
Is God saying something and asking me to wake up? Or is it simply an attack that I need to stand firm against? Or is it simply because I’ve been sleeping in my spirit and through prayer enough to allow that opening? But again, does God use the fact that the devil attacks to awaken us to the need for Him, for reliance for prayer etc…?
Feels like an AND type situation, rather than a “but.”
In the end it probably doesn’t matter. Simply get down on my knees and pray. Ask for God’s intervention and beg for eyes to see what He is doing. And of course trust that He is God and has things well in hand.

Well, its been a while, but God is Good.

Here we are, its been months since I've written.
We've been through some really strange times, that you could probably call pretty horrible if you wanted to.
We are still wrestling through some of the loss that we feel in relation to Miracle, its not easy to explain and I'm not even sure that I understand it.
And since, we have lost our friend David Thompson, who lived with us for 2 years. A handicapped man who has been a part of our family for longer than I've been alive. He went into the hospital, but never came out again as his cancer got the best of him. He went to be with Jesus on April 9th, 2009.
Thinking about what it means to have and be a best friend, I would have to say that Dave was exactly that... always loyal, always there, always loving and always remembered to ask about the things that were important to you... what an amazing man my friend David Thompson was.

We'll miss him deeply and forever, not just as a friend, although he was that without question, but as a family member.

Losing him has pushed us into a situation of having to have Melissa go back to work, and I'm heading back to school in May for my masters degree, more busyness but most of it feels like we don't really have any options. We have a new exchange student who has caused us immense amounts of headache but we hope that we can come to an understanding and keep her around as she could be with us for 3 more years until her graduation.

So, the stress load is high, but somehow we feel at peace (usually) and God provides amazingly, we get through our days and are provided for in ways that don't make sense to our human brains. What an amazing God we have the honor of loving us.

So, I'm not sure why I decided to write today, but I did.

The ceremony in Miracle's memory...

We had a ceremony for our baby girl. I honestly don't think it could have gone better.
We feel that we honored her memory, honored God in our expressions of our journey's and have allowed for God to continue working through our baby's story for years to come.

If you'd like to hear it, we do have it posted on line in audio form.

Let me know and I'll send you the link.

-Dave

An interesting Parallel

So, I'm praying and thinking through things. And while I was talking with a friend he pointed out the parallels between what I'm going through and what King David went through. At least in response to a similar circumstance, that of losing a child.
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2 Sam. 12:20-23
20 Then David got up from the ground (after fasting and praying and pleading with God for many days). After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

21 His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"

22 He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
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My heart is unsettled and yet strangely at some level of peace. I will not stop worshipping my God, as He is gracious and his love never ends.

We long for our child, and miss her terribly. We are going to get to see her this week and have a service for her for all who would like to attend, on Dec 6th.
If you'd like to hear her story, what God did in us through and because of her, you are welcome to join us. The time is TBD but we're planning to try and do it some time in the morning.

Thank you for your prayers, they mean a lot!
This picture is of the baby hippo that I bought in memory of Miracle, it is the same size as she was and is even a little bit puffy, just like she was. Each person in our family has one of our own, as a reminder, memorial, and a form of healing too I guess.

Dave

My baby girl was born...

*please use caution, we have chosen to share pictures of our daughter later in this blog because we are proud of her and long to share her with everyone who would share her with us. They are not meant to offend so if you'd like a copy of this blog without photos please email or facebook and I'd be glad to forward you the story in word form only*

So today things took a turn. For the worst as far as we feel right now. Talk about a big bundle of confused emotions and thoughts.
Melissa woke up today and somehow knew that something was wrong.

So we looked at our day, and worked out all the fine details of stuff that would have to be dealt with if we weren't a part of our day with the kids. And headed to the hospital.

As I write this we're sitting in the labor room, waiting for our precious child to be born. The problematic part is that we are waiting to meet for the first and the last time, our baby. Who has already gone to be with Jesus.

We went right to the triage in the maternity ward and they checked for a heart beat and when they didn't find it sent us upstairs for an official ultrasound.

Right after the initial check in the triage... the doctor and nurses left to arrange for the ultrasound to come... and left us to cry, and be with our baby.

Melissa looked at me and said "We don't have pictures of me pregnant."
I just about collapsed. We'd been so concerned about our baby and whatever else was going on in our lives, that we forgotten to take pictures of my beautiful wife as she was with child. How could we not have any substantial proof or indication that this baby existed, that she was loved, that ...
So, I asked if we could take pictures now... right there in the curtained off triage area of the maternity ward. So we did... and they are the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen of my wife!



So, now I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to finish this story... I'm not really holding myself together very well, which is a little awkward give the nature of my current environment, one thing I've learned through this is how to stop myself from crying... bite my tongue. I just hope I've got a tongue left after writing, much less after the next few weeks.

So, we went through the ultra sound process, which by now we are VERY familiar with. I know what to look for on their little screen to know if things are good/bad or worse and I can identify the heart etc...
It was a sadness deep inside that I can't explain. But looking at the screen felt.. well the only way I can describe it is to say that it looked like a deserted town, kind of an empty shell of what was.

From there thy brought us right upstairs to a birthing room where we waited to hear our options.



We chose to induce. After a mild reaction to the first dose (first 4 hours), and almost none with the second we took the advice of the doctor and decided to wait until morning to take more of the medication.
Because Melissa's back was in so much pain she asked for demerol at about midnight. It was almost instantly that she began to feel contractions after the demerol, but we were able to get a couple of hours of sleep in before melissa woke again at 3 am, she got more meds for pain and within the hour was in full fledged labour.

After hours of contractions the doctor came in (about 6 am I think) and broker her water at 2 cm dilated. Remembering that given the baby's size only 4-5 cm is needed for birth. So, another hour and a half or so passed, with us constantly asking to see the doctor, with their response being that it didn't matter as progress reports were painful for the mother and what was going to happen simply was going to happen. Funny but at this point they actually told us that the frequency of the contractions didn't really mean anything which is the opposite of what they usually tell you. Melissa was going steady with contractions with 50 seconds or less between them.

She got up to go to the bathroom, and as she was on the toilet found herself pushing uncontrollably.
And she caught the baby as she came. The nurse came to help, and they did their best to hold on but with one last push she slipped through their hands and into the toilet. Where she was pulled out quickly but needless to say it was VERY traumatic for both of us. (the additional details I'll save for another day)

I held Melissa as the 3 other nurses who had come running in to help all stood around not knowing what to do. Finally (after what seemed like at least 5 minutes of waiting) they cut the cord and carried our daughter to the basinet and walked Melissa to her bed.

They covered our baby as she was laid in her bed, but left her face visible so that we could see her precious face.

We spent time with her, caressed her face and told her how much we loved her.
We named her! "Miracle Merci McVety"
There was a point in the process when we considered changing her name to something different as the name Miracle was chosen with expectation of healing, and then we rethought and realized how much of a miracle she was regardless.
They took her away to do the usual measuring and I ran home to get Melissa some clothes and to bring the kids to see their mom in the hospital.

We didn't show Miracle to them but I was insistent that they see their Mom in the hospital and connect the loss of their sister to the hospital rather than anything or anyone else.

Our friend Kris took the kids to church from there and then we were given the opportunity to hold our tiny baby girl.





I think I could have held her forever in my arms, and whispered how much I loved her and caressed her face gently.

I miss my baby girl.

We have been dealing with a number of things since, our kids are all responding in their own ways, grief is strange and very individual and even more strange for little ones and especially in situations like this.

We are going to have a service for her, and may even get to see her one last time before she is cremated, I'm so excited!

The ups and downs are tremendous and difficult. But here we are, in it together.

I'm so proud of my wife... and so proud of my baby girl! I want to brag to the world about her and scream to you all about how perfect she is... So, I'm going to!

Look at how precious and perfect and tiny she is!





If you're wondering how our faith is in the context of all of these things... feel free to ask and question. We are simply living one step at a time, holding the hand of Jesus knowing His love for us each step of the way.

I'm sure I'll be processing and wondering what God's intention was in all of this. But I don't think I'll ever know the full depth of it all. And I'm OK with that. All I know is that I listened as best I could took each step as I was guided and haven't let go of the hand leading me.

I may not understand but I chose to trust.

Thank you for caring, for reading and especially for praying.

Dave

Speachless

So, our baby was born...
Miracle Merci McVety
She was 2.1 pounds and 23 weeks old.
7:19 am on Sunday November 9th.

I don't have it in me to tell the whole story now, but if you're reading this you're wondering about status/progress.
Our hearts are broken, but God hasn't changed, he is still loving us as a father would and as we love our precious baby who were able to hold for such a short while.
-Dave