The ceremony in Miracle's memory...

We had a ceremony for our baby girl. I honestly don't think it could have gone better.
We feel that we honored her memory, honored God in our expressions of our journey's and have allowed for God to continue working through our baby's story for years to come.

If you'd like to hear it, we do have it posted on line in audio form.

Let me know and I'll send you the link.

-Dave

An interesting Parallel

So, I'm praying and thinking through things. And while I was talking with a friend he pointed out the parallels between what I'm going through and what King David went through. At least in response to a similar circumstance, that of losing a child.
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2 Sam. 12:20-23
20 Then David got up from the ground (after fasting and praying and pleading with God for many days). After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

21 His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"

22 He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
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My heart is unsettled and yet strangely at some level of peace. I will not stop worshipping my God, as He is gracious and his love never ends.

We long for our child, and miss her terribly. We are going to get to see her this week and have a service for her for all who would like to attend, on Dec 6th.
If you'd like to hear her story, what God did in us through and because of her, you are welcome to join us. The time is TBD but we're planning to try and do it some time in the morning.

Thank you for your prayers, they mean a lot!
This picture is of the baby hippo that I bought in memory of Miracle, it is the same size as she was and is even a little bit puffy, just like she was. Each person in our family has one of our own, as a reminder, memorial, and a form of healing too I guess.

Dave

My baby girl was born...

*please use caution, we have chosen to share pictures of our daughter later in this blog because we are proud of her and long to share her with everyone who would share her with us. They are not meant to offend so if you'd like a copy of this blog without photos please email or facebook and I'd be glad to forward you the story in word form only*

So today things took a turn. For the worst as far as we feel right now. Talk about a big bundle of confused emotions and thoughts.
Melissa woke up today and somehow knew that something was wrong.

So we looked at our day, and worked out all the fine details of stuff that would have to be dealt with if we weren't a part of our day with the kids. And headed to the hospital.

As I write this we're sitting in the labor room, waiting for our precious child to be born. The problematic part is that we are waiting to meet for the first and the last time, our baby. Who has already gone to be with Jesus.

We went right to the triage in the maternity ward and they checked for a heart beat and when they didn't find it sent us upstairs for an official ultrasound.

Right after the initial check in the triage... the doctor and nurses left to arrange for the ultrasound to come... and left us to cry, and be with our baby.

Melissa looked at me and said "We don't have pictures of me pregnant."
I just about collapsed. We'd been so concerned about our baby and whatever else was going on in our lives, that we forgotten to take pictures of my beautiful wife as she was with child. How could we not have any substantial proof or indication that this baby existed, that she was loved, that ...
So, I asked if we could take pictures now... right there in the curtained off triage area of the maternity ward. So we did... and they are the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen of my wife!



So, now I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to finish this story... I'm not really holding myself together very well, which is a little awkward give the nature of my current environment, one thing I've learned through this is how to stop myself from crying... bite my tongue. I just hope I've got a tongue left after writing, much less after the next few weeks.

So, we went through the ultra sound process, which by now we are VERY familiar with. I know what to look for on their little screen to know if things are good/bad or worse and I can identify the heart etc...
It was a sadness deep inside that I can't explain. But looking at the screen felt.. well the only way I can describe it is to say that it looked like a deserted town, kind of an empty shell of what was.

From there thy brought us right upstairs to a birthing room where we waited to hear our options.



We chose to induce. After a mild reaction to the first dose (first 4 hours), and almost none with the second we took the advice of the doctor and decided to wait until morning to take more of the medication.
Because Melissa's back was in so much pain she asked for demerol at about midnight. It was almost instantly that she began to feel contractions after the demerol, but we were able to get a couple of hours of sleep in before melissa woke again at 3 am, she got more meds for pain and within the hour was in full fledged labour.

After hours of contractions the doctor came in (about 6 am I think) and broker her water at 2 cm dilated. Remembering that given the baby's size only 4-5 cm is needed for birth. So, another hour and a half or so passed, with us constantly asking to see the doctor, with their response being that it didn't matter as progress reports were painful for the mother and what was going to happen simply was going to happen. Funny but at this point they actually told us that the frequency of the contractions didn't really mean anything which is the opposite of what they usually tell you. Melissa was going steady with contractions with 50 seconds or less between them.

She got up to go to the bathroom, and as she was on the toilet found herself pushing uncontrollably.
And she caught the baby as she came. The nurse came to help, and they did their best to hold on but with one last push she slipped through their hands and into the toilet. Where she was pulled out quickly but needless to say it was VERY traumatic for both of us. (the additional details I'll save for another day)

I held Melissa as the 3 other nurses who had come running in to help all stood around not knowing what to do. Finally (after what seemed like at least 5 minutes of waiting) they cut the cord and carried our daughter to the basinet and walked Melissa to her bed.

They covered our baby as she was laid in her bed, but left her face visible so that we could see her precious face.

We spent time with her, caressed her face and told her how much we loved her.
We named her! "Miracle Merci McVety"
There was a point in the process when we considered changing her name to something different as the name Miracle was chosen with expectation of healing, and then we rethought and realized how much of a miracle she was regardless.
They took her away to do the usual measuring and I ran home to get Melissa some clothes and to bring the kids to see their mom in the hospital.

We didn't show Miracle to them but I was insistent that they see their Mom in the hospital and connect the loss of their sister to the hospital rather than anything or anyone else.

Our friend Kris took the kids to church from there and then we were given the opportunity to hold our tiny baby girl.





I think I could have held her forever in my arms, and whispered how much I loved her and caressed her face gently.

I miss my baby girl.

We have been dealing with a number of things since, our kids are all responding in their own ways, grief is strange and very individual and even more strange for little ones and especially in situations like this.

We are going to have a service for her, and may even get to see her one last time before she is cremated, I'm so excited!

The ups and downs are tremendous and difficult. But here we are, in it together.

I'm so proud of my wife... and so proud of my baby girl! I want to brag to the world about her and scream to you all about how perfect she is... So, I'm going to!

Look at how precious and perfect and tiny she is!





If you're wondering how our faith is in the context of all of these things... feel free to ask and question. We are simply living one step at a time, holding the hand of Jesus knowing His love for us each step of the way.

I'm sure I'll be processing and wondering what God's intention was in all of this. But I don't think I'll ever know the full depth of it all. And I'm OK with that. All I know is that I listened as best I could took each step as I was guided and haven't let go of the hand leading me.

I may not understand but I chose to trust.

Thank you for caring, for reading and especially for praying.

Dave

Speachless

So, our baby was born...
Miracle Merci McVety
She was 2.1 pounds and 23 weeks old.
7:19 am on Sunday November 9th.

I don't have it in me to tell the whole story now, but if you're reading this you're wondering about status/progress.
Our hearts are broken, but God hasn't changed, he is still loving us as a father would and as we love our precious baby who were able to hold for such a short while.
-Dave

20 Weeks... October 23 post...

Our list of stresses seems to go up every day, and even when one passes a new one seems to pop up. Endless list of loose ends that we can't tie off. Relying and trusting on God is all we can do and we're doing our best.
Today we had our 20 week ultrasound. Excitement and nervousness clouded everything.
We've felt that God truly wants us to pray for healing and a miracle. So we have, and we've trusted. Some times its easier than others to trust, but we've done our best.

So, we might have expected something like a report that was either a positive change or at worst, no change at all. The cysts would be there but everything else health wise would be fine.

The report;
VERY heavy swelling around all tissue.
Lungs filled with fluid (which I don't think is all that new)
2 weeks worth of stunted growth
Heart beat and spine etc... still look fine
The worst addition though... is that there looked to be a mass outside the body cavity, the tech used terms I didn't understand until she stated in english that its probably the intestines outside the body, but this is not confirmed and there seems to be some confusion where the doctors are concerned.

So, I want to cry, throw up, scream... hit something. I don't even know any more.

But we're going to keep praying, begging God for direction, understanding, peace and still a miracle until he tells us otherwise.

Thanks for your prayers

The Altar, October 6 post...

We went home...

Prayed and cried, screamed and yelled, begged God to heal to touch and to fix our baby.

We went to see our doctor who had been our doctor for Leigha and Josiah.
He is a Christian as well (up to now we have had a christian “genetic counselor” “Ultra sound tech” and or “maternity doctor” as well)
He told us stories of having had this happen with other christian women and gave us options of how to deal with it. (this is the tuesday after the Women’s hospital ordeal)

He didn’t offer any hope either, which is not his fault but regardless was discouraging...

At this point I found myself really receiving and accepting the words that these doctors had been telling us... when people would ask how things were I would tell them that we were pregnant but not for long... as the baby was dying...

Then... I was lead by a word back to the story of Elijah!
He had made the situation impossible without God by pouring water on the altar, I had prayed to be shown how to pour the water on the altar... it has been poured ... and I had walked away from the altar!

Where had my faith gone, “Prepare me for miracle, help me set the stage God... “ and then after he helps I listen tot he world over him and accept the prophetic words of the doctors around me!

I asked for forgiveness, I told my wife God had called us to stand firm at the altar and pray for his direct and clear intervention that He might be glorified through all of this. And again, with 0% chance, there was no other reason for the baby to live without the direct intervention from God.

She has already bee feeling lead to pray “against” the ailment that our baby had. I realized that it was strangely coincidental that only christian women had had to deal with this through our maternity doctor who delivers hundreds of babies a year...

So, the spiritual battle became clear, and at the altar we stand...
Sometimes confused, sometimes disheartened, but firm in the knowledge that we are doing as God has called us to, for the hear and now.
We pray, “God we believe, but help our unbelief.” lk. 9:24

God has affirmed us by giving us a recent ultra sound that showed the baby doing unexpectedly well. Our doctor saying he’ll see us in a month rather than the usual 2 weeks. Others coming into our lives who have felt the call to pray healing over our baby. And even in the sense that we are being beat up by the devil on all fronts... he is doing all he can to break us.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for standing with us.
We believe and know that God’s plans are not the same as the worlds!

The beginning of the storm...October 6 post

So, they booked us in at Women’s hospital in Vacouver instantly.
After our initial ultra sound in Abbotsford on the friday they had us ready to go to Vancouver for Wednesday, but our schedule wouldn’t allow for it, so they rebooked us for that same friday.

By this point we had been warned by 2-3 people that the reason for the rush, as well as the meeting in general was going to be for the “offer” of an abortion.
This was not an exciting idea for us, but we figured that the more information we could have the better at this point.

So, we went. My aunt came with us because she had significant experience with Women’s because of 2 of her children and the circumstances involved with them.

So, we waited.

We were invited in to see the Ultra sound tech and she began to talk to us about how important it was that we have “good memories” of the child, she printed pictures off for us and indicated that she could see the issue but would show us the good things as well.
She then left and called in a doctor who re-did some of the ultra sound...
This is when we were exposed to the horror of what the situation really was.
Keeping in mind at this point, I had felt that God had lead me to the story of Elijah and so I had been praying for God to show me how to “Pour water” on the alter... thus proving that whatever happens next was God and only God... Without question.

Which of course meant that things would have to become clearly impossible without God.

And so they became impossible.

The “cyst” on our baby was easily as big as it’s head. Fluid filled everything and it was not leaving the body cavity of the child. They described it much like a water balloon. Where the pressure from the fluid would eventually shut down the heart.



It was VERY unpleasant, scary and .... we just about collapsed in a state of disbelief and being overwhelmed. (the picture above is an example of what we saw... the head of the baby is on the left and the cyst on the right it looks like a bubble filled with black)

We went upstairs to hear from the doctors that there was a 0% chance... (just like the alter that Elijah poured water on of lighting on fire without God) and given the options of wait till it dies, abort (as a form of mercy on the child) or do more tests if you’d like which are useless because we can’t treat anything anyway.

So, Melissa took a blood test to “screen” for probabilities etc... and so on.

We were also told at this point that even if the swelling went down it wasn’t a good thing necessarily because “the baby might live and when born have immense amount of problems that weren’t worth dealing with.” But in our case it was so severe that they did not see the potential for the swelling to go down anyway.
Again, the additional potential problems included things like trisomy 18, 21 and whatever else the chromosomal issues might be numbered. In regular language these are disabilities like downs syndrome, Edward’s syndrome and Turner’s syndrome.

There was a tiny chance that our baby might make it to birth and die shortly after...

The situation was no impossible... At least in human terms.

The clouds closed in...September 24 post

So, I decided I should probably be writing all the aspects of this journey down. And why not here, where all of you can read about our walk and our struggles... as well as our belief that God is going to heal beyond our imagination.

How it all started;
We were curious and really wanted to get an accurate due date from our midwife, so we asked and she sent us in for a “dating ultrasound.” We went to the office and Melissa was called in. She was gone for about 20-30 minutes or so, I had expected to be called in to see for myself (with the 2 little ones too). But Melissa came out, she said “There’s something wrong with the baby,” and ran out crying.
As it turned out, they had done a lot of scanning, the ultrasound tech left the room and came back 10 minutes later, covered Melissa’s stomach (kinda like they would a dead body) and told her she needed to see her doctor right away and would send the information ASAP, that there were some very serious concerns about our baby.
We called our midwife, and our doctor and got nowhere, the ultra sound people ended up taking 4 hours or so to get the info to the right people, which is ridiculous considering what the put us through but normal in Abbotsford.
We were told that the baby had something called “cystic hygroma” so we looked it up and it looked like potentially a cyst on the neck of the baby.
The doctor we saw empathized and told us not to expect the baby to live, but didn’t give us much information as to why. I had to ask VERY intentional questions to get answers out of him.
In any case, we were sent to Vancouver Women’s for more detailed and further testing.
As the Ultra sound was on a friday, they were able to get us in at Women’s by wednesday, which we couldn’t do, so they rebooked us for the following friday (1 week after the initial appointment).

So, we prayed, cried and worried.

On the following Wednesday, God lead me to a story in the bible.
1 Kings 18:16-46
And I found myself really connecting with the altar of faith and pouring water on the altar, so that when God manifested there was NO question that it was Him, not to mention the OVERT expression of faith that Elijah portrayed by making it an impossible task!

So, leading up to Friday I found myself praying that God would show my how to show blatant and overt faith as Elijah showed.
At this point I really didn’t have peace about praying for healing for our baby. I wasn’t sure if it was because God wanted someone else to do it, or if timing was off, or if our child wasn’t supposed to be healed... But we prayed... Hard.

-next installment, the trip to Women’s Hospital