My baby girl was born...

*please use caution, we have chosen to share pictures of our daughter later in this blog because we are proud of her and long to share her with everyone who would share her with us. They are not meant to offend so if you'd like a copy of this blog without photos please email or facebook and I'd be glad to forward you the story in word form only*

So today things took a turn. For the worst as far as we feel right now. Talk about a big bundle of confused emotions and thoughts.
Melissa woke up today and somehow knew that something was wrong.

So we looked at our day, and worked out all the fine details of stuff that would have to be dealt with if we weren't a part of our day with the kids. And headed to the hospital.

As I write this we're sitting in the labor room, waiting for our precious child to be born. The problematic part is that we are waiting to meet for the first and the last time, our baby. Who has already gone to be with Jesus.

We went right to the triage in the maternity ward and they checked for a heart beat and when they didn't find it sent us upstairs for an official ultrasound.

Right after the initial check in the triage... the doctor and nurses left to arrange for the ultrasound to come... and left us to cry, and be with our baby.

Melissa looked at me and said "We don't have pictures of me pregnant."
I just about collapsed. We'd been so concerned about our baby and whatever else was going on in our lives, that we forgotten to take pictures of my beautiful wife as she was with child. How could we not have any substantial proof or indication that this baby existed, that she was loved, that ...
So, I asked if we could take pictures now... right there in the curtained off triage area of the maternity ward. So we did... and they are the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen of my wife!



So, now I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to finish this story... I'm not really holding myself together very well, which is a little awkward give the nature of my current environment, one thing I've learned through this is how to stop myself from crying... bite my tongue. I just hope I've got a tongue left after writing, much less after the next few weeks.

So, we went through the ultra sound process, which by now we are VERY familiar with. I know what to look for on their little screen to know if things are good/bad or worse and I can identify the heart etc...
It was a sadness deep inside that I can't explain. But looking at the screen felt.. well the only way I can describe it is to say that it looked like a deserted town, kind of an empty shell of what was.

From there thy brought us right upstairs to a birthing room where we waited to hear our options.



We chose to induce. After a mild reaction to the first dose (first 4 hours), and almost none with the second we took the advice of the doctor and decided to wait until morning to take more of the medication.
Because Melissa's back was in so much pain she asked for demerol at about midnight. It was almost instantly that she began to feel contractions after the demerol, but we were able to get a couple of hours of sleep in before melissa woke again at 3 am, she got more meds for pain and within the hour was in full fledged labour.

After hours of contractions the doctor came in (about 6 am I think) and broker her water at 2 cm dilated. Remembering that given the baby's size only 4-5 cm is needed for birth. So, another hour and a half or so passed, with us constantly asking to see the doctor, with their response being that it didn't matter as progress reports were painful for the mother and what was going to happen simply was going to happen. Funny but at this point they actually told us that the frequency of the contractions didn't really mean anything which is the opposite of what they usually tell you. Melissa was going steady with contractions with 50 seconds or less between them.

She got up to go to the bathroom, and as she was on the toilet found herself pushing uncontrollably.
And she caught the baby as she came. The nurse came to help, and they did their best to hold on but with one last push she slipped through their hands and into the toilet. Where she was pulled out quickly but needless to say it was VERY traumatic for both of us. (the additional details I'll save for another day)

I held Melissa as the 3 other nurses who had come running in to help all stood around not knowing what to do. Finally (after what seemed like at least 5 minutes of waiting) they cut the cord and carried our daughter to the basinet and walked Melissa to her bed.

They covered our baby as she was laid in her bed, but left her face visible so that we could see her precious face.

We spent time with her, caressed her face and told her how much we loved her.
We named her! "Miracle Merci McVety"
There was a point in the process when we considered changing her name to something different as the name Miracle was chosen with expectation of healing, and then we rethought and realized how much of a miracle she was regardless.
They took her away to do the usual measuring and I ran home to get Melissa some clothes and to bring the kids to see their mom in the hospital.

We didn't show Miracle to them but I was insistent that they see their Mom in the hospital and connect the loss of their sister to the hospital rather than anything or anyone else.

Our friend Kris took the kids to church from there and then we were given the opportunity to hold our tiny baby girl.





I think I could have held her forever in my arms, and whispered how much I loved her and caressed her face gently.

I miss my baby girl.

We have been dealing with a number of things since, our kids are all responding in their own ways, grief is strange and very individual and even more strange for little ones and especially in situations like this.

We are going to have a service for her, and may even get to see her one last time before she is cremated, I'm so excited!

The ups and downs are tremendous and difficult. But here we are, in it together.

I'm so proud of my wife... and so proud of my baby girl! I want to brag to the world about her and scream to you all about how perfect she is... So, I'm going to!

Look at how precious and perfect and tiny she is!





If you're wondering how our faith is in the context of all of these things... feel free to ask and question. We are simply living one step at a time, holding the hand of Jesus knowing His love for us each step of the way.

I'm sure I'll be processing and wondering what God's intention was in all of this. But I don't think I'll ever know the full depth of it all. And I'm OK with that. All I know is that I listened as best I could took each step as I was guided and haven't let go of the hand leading me.

I may not understand but I chose to trust.

Thank you for caring, for reading and especially for praying.

Dave